Being modest or humble has its expression in that we don't want to create problems. The other one is that we forgive easily. Not wanting to create problems we (especiall the Javanese) may say things foreigners' perspective. We have been said confrontation. From our side of the story, there is no harm at all to say that we agree, while in fact we don't. We behave like this especilly towards seniors. After all, it is 'not done' to challenge their opinion. So, it is far better to pretend than to create an upleasant atmosphere in the house or at work - and thus disrupt harmony. The unpleasant atmosphere will linger for weeks or years, but the pretense will be forgiven soon.
A long time ago, in the colonial days, the Dutch were puzzled about the Javanese rulers, so aloof that they almost completely seemed to ignorer the colonizers and continued to live as usual. The Dutch also omplained that those 'natives' couldn't be trusted. The consensus among them in those days was that 'natives' were never straightforward. When they said 'yes' they would do 'no'. When they smiled in front of you, the next moment they would stab a dagger in your back. Form an Indonesian, or Javanese standpoint many westerners and, for that matter, also countrymen form Sumatra, Kalimatan, Madura and East Java are rude and inconsiderate. They express themselves in a direct way, hurting people while doing so and causing loss of face. Westerners we identify with shouting in public and rude behavior. Some of us wonder why foreigners can't behave like we do. How nice it would be if foreigners took time to sit down and talk about things or talk about nothing. Even if the topic would be a difficult one, involving a refusal, it would be best to wrap the massage into nice words and phrases, allowing the other person to catch the message indirectly, without being hurt or embarrassed in the presence of others.
Changing perspectives again, aven today some foreigners are inclined to see Indonesians as dishonest and impossible to work with. Of course, among us there are dishonest people. However, what you might call dishonest can be classified in many instances as indirect behavior, aimed to avoid disappointing you and disturbing harmony. Let's take an example. Suppose you would ask the receptionist of the hotel or an Indonesian colleague, neighbor or friend for a favor, to join you to go somewhere or something similar. The response usually is affirmative. It may happen that long after the confirmation nothing has happened. At some point you would certainly remind the person, only to hear that he is still working on it, or still trying to comply. Finally, after hours or days you may conclude that this is not going to work. In case you would reprimand or complain about the situation, your friend, neighbor or colleague would certainly be surprised. After all, the initial confirmation was meant to sound as a 'maybe'. For Javanese at least, it is impossible to say 'no' or 'can I get a rain check.' That would be extremely rude and would, we know, hurt you.
The point is that we have a whole range of 'yes' answers. Only the intonation of the 'yes' and the corresponding body language or 'eye language' will reveal to the experienced observer if it is a real 'yes', a 'maybe' or a 'forget it'.
Obviously, to teh outsider, that must seem like a very confusing, inefficient and ineffective way of communicating. The simple solution if you indeed need to have a firm yes or no is to ask a little further. Give details of what you need, how you need it and when. Ask question about how the person would go about and do it or get and where. All of your asking will emphasize that you are serious about the request. Gradually, applying these filters the true answer will emerge, with a smile embarrassed.
Having said that, things are changing in Indonesia. Modern business requirments leave little time for elaborate questions and answers tat can be interpreted either way. You will find that well educated people who are used to interact with foreigners or who are professionals will tell you straightforwardly that something can or cannot be done. Another sector of society that will give you a firm 'no' are shop attendants and customer service staff. Having a discussion withthem, trying to convince them is a waste of time. It is difficult to blame these individuals as they only follow the rules that have been laid out to them. If the rule, handed down hierarchically says that it must be done this way then automatically it cannot be done the other way.
Some former Dutch soldiers, who fought in Indonesia during our struggle for freedom from 1945 to 1949 (through President Soekarno and vice-president Mohammad Hatta we claimed Independece in the morning hours of August 17, 1945), still feel bad about all the fighting in their beautiful former colony. Trouble by homesickness and feelings of guilt, after all those years they would love to come back to Indonesia, but still fear that their former enemies harbor hard feelings. Those who eventually ventured to Indonesia and met Indonesian veterans were often moved to tears when they received the warm welcomes and friendship they had never expected. Let bygones be bygones and let's be friends, is our message. We don't have to forget, but we already forgave any wrongdoings and hostilities as soon as the weapons went silent and expect that we are forgiven likewise.
While being direct or indirect depends on where you are in Indonesia, there is one characteristic that applies to members of all our cultures. It is known as basa basi or small talk. There is a tremendous amount of small talk going on, both within the family, among business partners and especially in casual contacts. Indonesians love to talk and they can talk for hours raising lots of topics, without actually touching on the core and always taking care not to offend the other. Small talk care not to offend the other. Small talk is related to being evasive while still maintaining a positive appearance and a pleasant atmosphere. Basa basi, if not well understood, may cause embarrassment and oftentimes foreigners fall into the trap of mis under standing basa basi. If for example you will be casually invited to come over and visit, it is best to assume that the invitation is basa basi only.
With this observation the cycle is almost complete. We have seen that a sharp sense of hierarchy and seniority, being indirect (or direct), being evasive (such as comes with basa basi), modest, and being careful to maintain the cosmic balance as well as harmonious relations between people are the most common and most recognizable character traits of Indonesians.
Forgiving is especially obvious in the annual Muslim celebration of Idul Fitri of Lebaran at the conclusion of the fast during the month of Ramadan. On the occasion we visit our senior relatives to ask for forgiveness for all the mistakes and wrongdoings we committed, either on purpose or involuntary during the previous year. In fact we ask forgiveness to all our friends, colleagues and neighbors. After that, reinvigorated, we begin with a clean slate, trying to be better persons in the year ahead, knowing that we have purified ourselves and restores harmony.
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